What’s up gang? Just figured I’d share some common types of people who attend concerts (from my perspective) so you know how to avoid them to enjoy your show at the highest capacity. If you’re one of these people… try to do better.
Uh Oh, Stinky!
For those who may have forgotten to put on deodorant… it’s nothing personal except I personally cannot stand near you & I want you to vacate the premises. Body odor is inevitable sometimes but let’s make an effort, guys. If you know you’re going to be jumping around & swinging your arms maybe prepare for it. Keep a stick or spray in your car or in one of your cargo short pockets so I can stop bringing Febreze to every show.
Girlfriend’s Shield First, Human Second
Put your fist down, brother. We get it, you’re macho, so you don’t need to shove people away from your girlfriend (who could probably fend for herself) when you both can just simply relocate away from the pit. Does she even want to be here? Did you even notice that you accidentally just pushed her into the pit? Are you projecting? You good, bro?
Get Back by Ludacris
When you’re in a cramped space, like any general admission show, you’ll notice that personal space isn’t really a thing. Although bodily contact is nearly impossible to avoid in this environment, it’s important to acknowledge where your body parts are. Are you aware that your arm is resting on my head as you Instagram Live this entire song? Meanwhile, I’m unintentionally eating the girl in front of me’s unruly ponytail and the guy beside me has had his nearly knocked out my teeth with his elbow several times now I’m about to call the police.
Perhaps I’m calling myself out on this one as I’ve definitely recorded myself singing along to a song before & listened to it back sounding like I was being slaughtered. Since then, I’ve tried to train myself to lip sync when I’m recording. However, be mindful of those around you & make sure you’re not screaming into another person’s ear canal, unless it’s your friend then they asked for it.
♪ Backpack, Backpack ♪
The person who was somehow let in with a giant backpack. Unless it is for medicinal or first-aid reasons… WHY? You’re only inside this venue for a few hours so why are you packed like you’re on a weeklong camping trip? These people will use their hefty backpack as extra padding & protection in the pit which is savvy in their perspective but absolutely obnoxious to every surrounding member. The only way you could potentially gain my respect is if before you crowd-dived, you’d pulled a string that opened a parachute & executed a graceful landing.
Depending on what kind of show you’re at, there will likely be a parent who was dragged by their son or daughter. Although they have zero interest in any of the performers, they will NOT give up their spot adjacent to their child if it kills them. More power to you, I guess, if you’re willing to endure the pit just to stand by your fully grown child rather than standing in a safety zone. Parents: if you want to keep an eye on your kid at a GA show try a leash! Proven to be effective funny.
This is kind of self-explanatory. You start seeing someone who can’t even stand up & you habitually move away, right? Too many times have you been responsible for holding the weight of an inebriated stranger, so you must steer clear before the night turns into babysitting or a fighting ring. Also keep an eye out for their hand that’s flippantly flaunting the alcoholic beverage soon to spill all over you. If you are the drunken fool: where are your friends & why aren’t they helping you? Know your limit & trust your friends!
How Do You Have That Much Storage?
I’m more so jealous of these people, I suppose, because they seem to have endless storage on their phone AND impressive upper-body strength. They’ll be recording the entire show on their phone. You think I’m exaggerating but I have seen people, on multiple occasions, film an hour long show on their phone. I have terrible memory, so I’m one to record highlights & my favorite songs, but I always make sure that it’s at eye-level or just not in someone’s face as common courtesy. Also a side-tangent for those people who record a song while absentmindedly flailing around: you know you’re going to watch that back & get motion sickness, right, so why do you continue to do it?
Wave Back Before I Scream
There tends to be one person in the crowd, typically a girl, who needs to interact with a band member, typically the lead singer, at all times. Whether it’s screaming “____, I love you!” every break or frantically waving every time they face the girl’s general vicinity; it gets really old really quick. I can assure you they heard you the first 4 times. Take a hint.
LISTEN, I’m not about to attack all tall people, okay… BUT us averagely-sized & short folk want to see the show too. Depending on your level of height… know your privilege, man! Be aware that you may be blocking an entire section of people from viewing before you glue yourself to front & center spot. I know that these people can’t help it, I’m more so calling out the boring tall people who don’t move. Too many times have I had a tall man simply being tall in front of me: no head-bopping, dancing, singing— none. No reactions. If you’re going to be obstructing my view at least make it entertaining.
Now that I have everything down & out, it really sounds like I’m whining & constantly miserable at shows but that’s definitely not the case. If you’re lucky, you only experience one of these types of people. Regardless of who may be in your way or harshing your vibe— don’t forget to HAVE FUN! Let live music be your escapism! Also support your local bands!
Hope you enjoyed this Buzzfeed formatted nonsense.
What other kind of people do you guys encounter at shows?
Written By: Deirdre Kelly